The runaway smash hit of election season

It's hard for me to pinpoint exactly how I found myself dancing in a music video about bacon and Obama -- but I know when one gets an invitation to wear bacon-hued clothes and come prepared to dance on a Sunday afternoon, you best listen. Plus, I guess I've always wanted to be a girl in a hip-hop video, really ever since my days of watching In Living Color. So it's kind of a no-brainer.

After the taping a few weekends ago, I was singing this song for days ("heat up the griddle cuz that bacon got sizzle!"). Oh, watch at your own risk.

Bacon in '08, preferably crispy.


[and arguably even better: go behind the scenes here]

Members Of Twisted Sister Now Willing To Take It

Although they would prefer not to. Via The Onion.

Hipster poetry / makes my morning delightful / cautionary tales

O, hipster nation:

The dive bars, the vintage duds?
Great material.

Apparently a delightful new sub-genre of poetry is forming roots: the Hipster Haiku. In a traditional 5/7/5 metric scheme, one can skew the dark underbelly of indie youth culture with a pointed collection of words. Exhibits A, B, and C:

It remains so cold
In the space between my Vans
And footless leggings

Only blazer-clad
Huddled like bees, our hands hold
hand-rolled cigarettes

When the tattoos creep
Past the sleeve line to knuckles,
Time to quit retail.


Please note: an important distinction is to be drawn between the hipster haiku and the hipster sestina. Being more complex and dating back to the Renaissance poetry of Dante and Petrarch, the sestina is arguably even better (and my love of Vespas just made me laugh out loud at this bit of fantasticness):

Love in the Time of Vespas

At the old café, I like to sit and stare
At women passing by, while watching my Vespa,
Parked at the corner near the bar.
Security in this neighborhood is loose
And I sometimes worry about the thin
Chain lock that protects my ride.

I remember offering you a ride,
Just to penetrate your thousand-mile stare.
You were magnetic, so aloof and thin.
When you climbed on the back of my Vespa,
I loved how you put one arm loose
Around my waist, instead of holding the safety bar.

I took you straight to my favorite bar,
Even though you probably wanted a ride
Home. I warned you, my standards are loose.
I admitted I couldn't help but stare.
You were gracious, asked about my Vespa.
I didn't notice your patience wearing thin.

You had a pack of very French, very thin
cigarettes, and the smoke hung over the bar
like a cloud of dust in the wake of a Vespa.
When you yawned, I finally gave you a ride
home. Then I stood outside your window to stare.
I couldn't shake myself loose.

On an impulse, I pulled my scooter key loose
From its chain, and slid its thin
Promise under your door. I could imagine your stare,
Your surprise. "Meet me at the bar
tomorrow," I scrawled, "and we can go for another ride."
The next day: no you. No Vespa.

So I had to buy this new, crappier Vespa.
The law has allowed you to run loose,
Claiming there are other scooters to ride,
And the line between gift and theft is too thin.
I should tell you that you've raised the bar—
I see you now in every woman who commands my stare.

I watch you, thin and intense, ride
Your Vespa toward what was once our bar.
Your hair is loose. You avoid my stare.


BONUS: An anthem for Vespa riders (with my stab at lyrical translation in the comments); one of my favorites from my time studying abroad in Italy.

Vespa 50 Special - Lunapop



Buy Hipster Haiku here.
[thanks Ben!]

Soundgarden Inadvertently Reunites At Area Cinnabon

via The Onion:
SEATTLE—"At first it was pretty awkward," said one observer. "But then it was like, 'Yes, Soundgarden is back.' It was so intense."

full article

("...In turn, the 44-year-old lead singer responded by serenading Thayil with a version of the group's hit song "Black Hole Sun" in which he replaced the titular phrase with the word "Cinnabon"...)

First drafts of the parables of Jesus

From Dave Eggers' journal McSweeney's:

Jesus said, "Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash."

One of the disciples asked, "What of the man who builds his house inside the house built on the rock? Surely his house will be even less damaged by water and wind. Is this what we should do?"

And Jesus said, "No, don't do that."

I just laughed myself silly.


PS: Look at the CD you can order! I made one myself when I first read this book, but heck -- this is a lot less work.

"Moshi moshi, Dunder Mifflin Corp?"

I'm not gonna lie, I cackled at this. Now we know how to (probably) say "That's what she said" in Japanese:

THE OFFICE - JAPANESE VERSION
An SNL Digital Short

"Alkaline, clementine, valentine, columbine . . . (the flower not the high school massacre)"

I missed this first time around a few months ago but thanks to Ashley for pointing it out again.

So what does make the perfect song? Fred Armisen and Carrie Brownstein have some ideas on the matter. And in my opinion, the real triumph here is that they filmed this whole bit without laughing:

THE PERFECT SONG (originally posted on ThunderAnt.com)


Nice Corin Tucker cameo at the end.

SOMETHING about you makes me want IHOP today

Yeah, you're gonna need to click refresh quite a few times.

[via]

Think, hands, note.

The good folks at Barsuk Records notified me earlier today of this fascinating new side project from Ben Gibbard from Death Cab for Cutie. As Ben says, "It shouldn't work, but it totally works . . . and that's part of the magic."



That's the best thing I've seen today.

In related Barsuk news, Nada Surf plays tonight at the Gothic in Denver. Come out and see their superb live show in support of Lucky -- easily one of my top ten albums of this year.

Will Ferrell gets lost in Dave Grohl's eyes

Frickin hilarious.

Dave Grohl and Will Ferrell tenderly perform their own special version of the Don Henley/Stevie Nicks song "Leather and Lace" at a recent benefit show for 826LA, a nonprofit organization dedicated to supporting students ages 6 to 18 with their creative and expository writing skills, and to helping teachers inspire their students to write.

Leather and Lace - Dave Grohl and Will Ferrell

Oh, my sides. Aidez-moi.

Two sides of a delightful coin

So first I found this photo of the man who I always say could make me laugh reading the back of my cereal box to me:



. . .and THEN my cousin Heidi in Southern California goes ahead and sends me THIS bit of fantasticness (with commentary):

"Thoughtful Lance. Mirthful Lance. Two sides of a delightful coin."

"I wanted a shot like this for my wedding. The Mrs. said no."

"Olan Mills backdrop #4: Bucolic Meadow with Split Rail Fence.
Is that an animal carcass behind her?"

See the rest here.

OH! And also see this if you like laughing at the misfortunes of others. And really, who doesn't.

So don't pretend you don't have a whole collection of these Olan Mills bad boys to add to the bunch. I know I do. There's one with me in a bowl-cut hairdo and a plaid dress with a lace collar, and the unfortunate 7th grade school portrait in color-blocked rayon. Sigh.

Did someone get told?

My first truly important grammar lesson of 2008 came around 2am last night, courtesy of my little brother:

I'm so prepared for the new year. Thanks, BB.

If I invite Chris Kattan to my Christmas party, will he do that motion with his head?

Just watching Chris Kattan's straight face while he plays the important role in this SNL Christmas song performance of 1) holding the keyboard and 2) turning his head back and forth makes me bust up laughing. My friend swears that this song must be the inspiration for Josh Rouse's "Hollywood Bass Player" tune (although I say Rouse's is clearly the better), and he says whenever he puts on the new Country Mouse City House album, he wants to do "the Kattan."

And by the way -- what, exactly, is Tracy Morgan's function in this song? Jogging and gesturing? That is so awesome.


[direct link]

SNL Christmas Song (Christmas Time Is Heee-ere) - Jimmy Fallon, Horatio Sanz, Chris Kattan & Tracy Morgan

And for those of you who have asked, I am indeed putting together a Fuel/Friends 2007 Christmas mix. Just hold your one-horse open sleighs - that's coming soon.

Monday Music Roundup

The game's on tonight. I love taking three or four hours to watch baseball -- the pace of it, the grace and the subtlety. I am having so much fun watching The Rockies' brand of baseball - it's young and hardworking and fun, and it's all coming together for them into a very very likely World Series run (becoming more likely after that 4th inning tonight)! It's a fun time to live in Colorado. They need to win just one more against the Diamondbacks to go to the Series, and this Giants fan is cheering for them without qualms.


The Feeding Of The 5000
Ian Brown
There's a Matt Nathanson song called "Everything You Say It Sounds Like Gospel," a sentiment that also applies to much of what former Stone Roses frontman Ian Brown has been putting out lately. In addition to a storyline here straight out of The Good Book, Brown is drawn to using these dramatic orchestral foundations that make it all seem even more epic and important. But I don't find it pretentious; I get into the way the strings combine with cool electronic flourishes and his effortlessly swank vocals. His new album The World Is Yours is out now in the UK, not in the U.S. yet.

The Hustle
Marah
This came on my shuffle on my iPod at the gym while I was trying to top my personal best at sit-ups (oh, like 33. Something mindblowing), and it gave me an instant rush of energy. This is a Marah tune that has comfortably been living on my iPod for a good two years or so without receiving my full unabashed love -- until now. Without reading the shuffle display, at first I thought this urgent, perfectly ebullient song was maybe Westerberg because of the yowly crack to Dave Bielanko's voice, with delightfully jangly rock guitars. I now love this song, it's my new favorite -- off their 2005 album If You Didn't Laugh You'd Cry. This Philadelphia-based, brother-helmed band has got a lot of cool stuff going on now, including a new EP/10" vinyl this month (Can't Take It With You) and a forthcoming album called Angels of Destruction.


Needles
Lisa Hannigan
I wrote about the Cake Sale compilation last year when the Oxfam benefit album featuring the talents of lots of good folks (Damien Rice, Lisa Hannigan, Josh Ritter, Glen Hansard, Gemma Hayes, etc) was released in Ireland. At the time, it was a UK-only release, and for those of us on this side of the pond not hardy enough to weather the pounds-to-dollars conversion, it's finally gained a U.S. release tomorrow on Yep Roc. This particular song (written by Damien Rice) is as haunting and lovely as everything Hannigan loans her vocals to. Allow me to repeat at this point that it's truly a crying shame that things didn't work out musically with her and Damien Rice; I can't get enough of the way she sings.

The Way I Am
Ingrid Michaelson
I've mentioned my love/hate relationship with Old Navy music and also lately their '80s carnival of wide-necked, very long, big-buttoned, "they-think-I-am-11" items. However, this song which they tapped for their latest sweater commercial is a nice home run for deserving songwriter Ingrid Michaelson from Staten Island. Despite her being my MySpace friend for, like, ever -- somehow this infectiously cheery, handclappy sweet ditty slipped my notice. Okay, it's a bit syrupy, but you know when the girl-group harmonies of that chorus hit, you kinda like the sugar rush. Her new album Girls and Boys is out now.


Avril 14th
Aphex Twin
Since we're already talkin' TV, here's one other one on the airwaves lately. I'd never listened to ambient musician Aphex Twin (born Richard David James) until I started seeing articles about the licensing flap about the sampling of this song in the recent hi-larious Samberg digital short on SNL, "I Ran." This original is a lush, gorgeous piano song from the 2001 Aphex Twin album drukqs, and count me as a new fan . . . but I can't really listen to it purely without thinking of lines like, "You ain’t wrong to me, so strong to me, you belong to me . . . like a very hairy Jake Gyllenhaal to me" (which, incidentally, may be one of the best rhymes ever written). If you haven't seen it:

Odds & ends

On this lovely slow Saturday I am making up a big pot of Dill Turkey Chowder (recipe pretty much like this except I use garlic pepper) and the simmering smells are already fantastic. It's been a week like that -- a lot of interesting thoughts simmering in the back of my mind with no real time to write about them or enjoy. So since it's Saturday, here's what I've been noticing lately:

۞ Nil Lara. I still get more comments on this guy, on the single post I wrote back for a previous World Music Wednesday, than almost any other ongoing topic. People across the world love this guy, miss his music, and wonder what he's been up to. He's been playing a series of monthly shows down in Florida, much to the joy of many fans, but the great news is that the Yanks get 2 doses of him next month!

Nil Lara has just announced two shows in New York City at The Bitter End in Greenwich Village, Nov 17th @ 8pm and Nov 19th @ 7:30pm. I'd love to see this guy; I'll be in NYC a few weeks before that for the last weekend in October to see some best girlfriends, but I'll miss this show unfortunately.


۞ There's a new audio interview with Pearl Jam guitarist Mike McCready from Tacoma, Washington's News Tribune.

Listen to Mike talk about his reaction to the AT&T censoring of the Lollapalooza webcast, Italian fans and the new DVD, director Danny Clinch, and even some on The Scorpions & Iron Maiden. Rock on.



۞ The Onion made me laugh with this fantastic "news brief":

Google Launches 'The Google' For Older Adults
September 26, 2007
MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA—The popular search engine Google announced plans Friday to launch a new site, TheGoogle.com, to appeal to older adults not able to navigate the original website's single text field and two clearly marked buttons.

Read the rest


۞ The new Counting Crows album, Saturday Nights & Sunday Mornings, will be delayed in its release until 2008. According to Adam Duritz's blog:

Update 9/27/07 - "Town Hall, Old Memories, and New Delays"
Greenwich Village, New York City, 10am

. . . This will frustrate some of you I'm sure, and I apologize for that, but we've gone to Geffen and asked to push back the release date of Saturday Nights & Sunday Mornings until sometime after the New Year.

It was just a crazy busy summer. Between all the touring and the traveling and the mixing and mastering of the new album and putting the together the package and writing all the essays for the August… reissue, we just let some little things fall through the cracks. The record itself is finished but we just did the photo shoot a few weeks ago, the art and packaging deadlines were last week, and, even putting in 20 hr days, it was just impossible to get it all done. There are videos and singles and so many things to decide on and finish and it's just not the time in our career to be rushing important decisions. Actually, in my opinion, it's never the right time to rush important decisions. We really try to make records that last forever. I don't see the point in putting all the work in to do that and then not having the right cover or picking the wrong single or making the wrong video. They're small things, I guess, but they matter to me and they're just a few of many.

It's a tough pill for our record company to swallow. Especially in this day and age, it's not easy to ask them to postpone a Counting Crows album that would have been on sale for fall and through the Xmas season. Someone somewhere will not be happy with them. Luckily for us, the people we deal with at our label ARE music people and they know that our partnership with Geffen has been a marathon, not a sprint. We haven't been around together all these years because we were worried about a few months.

Anyway, that's THAT bit of news. I know it's a bit of a disappointment but, like I said to all of you the other day, "Remind me never to put out two albums at the same time again."

I recommend streaming the song that Adam has posted on his MySpace, called "Bleed." Best as I can tell, it is a song written by Stew/The Negro Problem, and this is a live collaboration with Adam. The lyrics are pretty rich. I'd post it here, but . . . well, you know.


۞ Finally, the Ike Reilly Assassination show was as mindblowing as I had hoped on Thursday night at the Larimer Lounge.

I voraciously dig the blistering rock songs with a punkish-retro edge, with some of the finest attention to lyrical detail and "flow" of any modern songwriter today. Johnny Hickman (founding member of Cracker) joined Ike for the gig, as Johnny is a local Coloradan now, and they were clearly enjoying themselves. I was particularly riveted by the performance of "The Mixture" (off 2005's Junkie Faithful) -- an incredible, soulful, brutal, unflinchingly introspective, raw tune that I am listening to on repeat these last two days. It goes deeper each time I hear it.

"Girl don't like the mixture in me,
the liquid in me, the fiction it frees
the liquor in me, the Mick in me,
the fried-out lies for eyes she sees

...Girl don't like the distance in me,
the danger in me, the sickness in me
the stranger in me, the quickness in me,
the shiftlessness and shift in me

...Girl don't like the greed in me,
the speed in me, her need for me
the weed in me, the dealer in me,
the schemer in me, the dreamer in me

...Girl don't like the fader in me,
the invader in me, the penetrator in me
the not-quite-fade-awayer in me,
the I will see you later in me

But stay with me anyway
I'm a brand new believer
I went to the tomb without you
And they wouldn't receive me, no no no
And they wouldn't receive me, no no no
And they wouldn't receive me...

Where were you when the wheels fell off in Birmingham?
Where were you when I shed my skin in vain?
Where were you when we slid right off the motorway?

Maybe you stepped away, took a vacation day
You said a day with me is a night you've wasted

Where were you?"

The Mixture - Ike Reilly Assassination

The picture above is by Denver photographer Doug Beam from his fine set taken at the show. Quite an unforgettable night.

Bravely maintaining the counter-culture aesthetic

VIDEO: THE HIPSTER OLYMPICS


This was a new diversion for me this afternoon, thanks to my equally-bored-at-work sister. Hard to say which made me laugh harder: the "spontaneous, yet well-composed" (ideally from the point of view of an anonymous, third-party photographer) MySpace profile photo contest, or the Music Collection Brag-A-Thon, where it's a neck and neck race to pick the band you liked before they sold out and got popular. Divine.

Blues Singer's Woman Permitted To Tell Her Side

This is beyond awesome.

Blues Singer's Woman Permitted To Tell Her Side
From The Onion, Sept 16, 1998

CLARKSDALE, MS–Ida Mae Dobbs, longtime woman of Willie "Skipbone" Jackson, called a press conference Tuesday to respond to charges levied against her by the legendary Delta blues singer.

"Despite what Mr. Jackson would have you believe, I am not an evil-hearted woman who will not let him be," Dobbs told reporters. "I repeat: I am not an evil-hearted woman who will not let him be. To the contrary, my lovin' is so sweet, it tastes just like the apple off the tree."

Dobbs, accused of causing Jackson pain and breaking his heart by calling out another man's name, categorically denied treating him in a low-down manner.

"He says he sends for his baby, but I don't come around," Dobbs, a brownskin woman, said. "He says he sends for his baby, but I don't come around. Well, the truth is, I do come, but he is out messing with every gal in town."

During the press conference, Dobbs also disputed an Aug. 27 statement made by Jackson, who compared her to a dresser because someone is always going through her drawers.

"My drawers have not been gone through by any man but Willie "Skipbone" Jackson," Dobbs said. "Neither Slim McGee nor Melvin Brown has ever been in my drawers. Nor has Sonny 'Spoonthumb' Perkins, nor any of those other no-good jokers down by the railroad tracks. My policy has always been to keep my drawers closed to everyone but Mr. Jackson, as I am his woman and would never treat him so unkind."

In addition to denying Jackson's drawer-opening allegations, Dobbs disputed charges of unrestricted sweet-potato-pie distribution, insisting that her pie is available only to Jackson.

"I do not give out my sweet potato pie arbitrarily, as I am not the sort of no-good doney who engages in such objectionable behavior," Dobbs told reporters. "Only one man can taste my sweet potato pie, and I believe I have made it perfectly clear who that man is." Dobbs noted that the same policy applies to her biscuits, which may be buttered only by Jackson.

While most of the accusations levied against Dobbs relate to her running around town with other men, she does face one far more serious charge, attempted homicide. On May 5, 1998, Jackson was rushed to the hospital and narrowly escaped death after ingesting nearly five ounces of gasoline. Jackson claimed that Dobbs tried to murder him, serving him a glass of the toxic fuel when he requested water. Dobbs dismissed the episode as "an accident."

Dobbs, a short-dress, big-legged woman from Coahoma County, said it is not she but Jackson who should be forced to defend himself. According to Dobbs, Jackson frequently has devilment on his mind, staying up until all hours of the night rolling dice and drinking smokestack lightning.

"Six nights out of seven, he goes off and gets his swerve on while I sit at home by myself. Then he comes knocking on my door at 4 a.m., expecting me to rock him until his back no longer has any bone," Dobbs said. "Is that any way for a man to treat his woman? I don't want to, but if he keeps doing me wrong like this, I am going to take my lovin' and give it to another man."

Added Dobbs: "Skipbone Jackson is going to be the death of me."

Dobbs said that until she receives an apology from Jackson and a full retraction of all accusations, he will not be given any grinding.

"Mr. Jackson says that I stay out all night and that I'm not talking right. He says he has rambling on his mind as a result of my treating him so unkind. He says I want every downtown man I meet and says they shouldn't even let me on the street," Dobbs said. "Well, I refuse to allow my name to be dragged through the mud like this any longer. Unless my man puts an end to these unfair attacks on my character, I will neither rock nor roll him to the break of dawn. I am through with his low-down ways."

aaand . . . MySpace just keeps getting better

Dude, I totally think I'm gonna go for it.

You're on ten on your guitar. Where can you go from there? Where?

I could seriously watch that all day.

Monday Music Roundup

While not as insanely hilarious as ThingsMyBoyfriendSays.com, this site fills that same voyeuristic niche of eavesdropping into the (unintentionally funny) things people say with no regard for who is listening. OverheardinNewYork.com solicits contributions from New Yorkers with good ears, and the result is a site that I regularly lose track of time on:


Hobo: Go shorty, it's your birthday...
Drunk black woman, joining in: Yeah! Go, go!
Hobo: Shorty, it's your shorty...
Drunk black woman: You singing it wrong. It's, 'We gonna party like it's your birthday.'
Passerby gives hobo two dollars.
Drunk black woman: You need to give me half of that, I helped you out with the words.

--Overheard on E train


14-year-old girl: I had like eight shots of vodka, and I didn't get drunk or anything. I just couldn't feel my face.

--Overheard in Forest Hills


Tight jeans #1: It's like the only way to be a punk these days is to be a Republican.
Tight jeans #2: I know.

--Overheard on 2nd Ave, between 7th & 8th St


Dude, I'm so punk rock. Finally. Here's some handpicked freshness for the new week:

Feel Like Taking You Home Now
Brendan Benson
A new tune off Brendan's MySpace, this one definitely has a darker, more driving edge than some of his past sunny alternative pop. Perhaps all that time with Jack White is taking its toll. I do like this song, especially once the drum builds and it turns into a gloomy rocker. It's from his untitled forthcoming solo album, and in the meantime Brendan's also on the new Stooges record singing back up on a song called "Free and Freaky." For some other new song samples from Brendan, thanks to So Much Silence for pointing me here.


Weapon of Choice
Black Rebel Motorcycle Club
San Francisco's Black Rebel Motorcycle Club's third album Howl was a catchy, loose, bluesy-Americana treat in 2005. This sonic sample from their new album Baby 81 (due May 1) is definitely fuzzier and anthemic, although it also still has the tambourine that I love. It's a trend I'm noticing more lately, a gravitation away from the young and bluesy sloppiness and into the more produced, larger sound. It will be interesting to see what the album as a whole is like. There's one more sample song, 666 Conducer, streaming on their site and BRMC recently announced a tour with The Killers.


The Now
Mouthful of Bees
Having a mouthful of bees is pretty much my worst nightmare. Maybe an earful of bees. Whereas I can handle spiders completely without cringing, and once fearlessly killed a scorpion in El Salvador (okay, I had, because he was in my hostel room and no way we were sleeping together), something about bees literally gives me the cold shivers and a primal panic in my gut.

All that to say that I like this song despite the band name -- kind of a David Byrne fronting a surf-music-trio vibe. Extremely fresh. Mouthful of Bees is from Minneapolis, and this song is from their 2007 album The End, out now on Afternoon Records.


Maybe We Should Fall In Love
Roger Clyne & The Peacemakers
Here's the first official mp3 released from the Roger Clyne camp for his new album No More Beautiful World, due out March 20. This one has an acoustic Mexican-seashore feel that's a little more relaxed, similar to the reworkings of songs on the Four Unlike Before EP last year. It's fun; it doesn't grab me as unyieldingly as some of the cuts off Americano! but I still like it. Clyne is, of course, relentlessly touring as usual -- starting in the homelands of AZ and CO, then up and down the West Coast in April, and from there . . . everywhere. An excellent show.


Brianstorm
Arctic Monkeys
And finally we have a (non-radio-rip) mp3 of the new tune from Arctic Monkeys off their forthcoming album Favourite Worst Nightmare. It appears to be about someone named Brian who gets top marks for not trying and is apparently both smooth and wet, but other than that I can't translate much. It is, however, relentless from the opening notes and catchy as all get out. I'd expect nothing less from these fresh-faced NME wunderkinds. The much ballyhooed followup to their 2006 album Whatever People Say I Am . . . is due out April 24th on Domino Records, and they just announced a North American tour which, unfortunately, skips the Rocky Mountains completely. Boo to that, but yay to this song. If it doesn't make you dance a bit this Monday morning, then you clearly need some more coffee.