I AM FUEL, YOU ARE FRIENDS

...we've got the means to make amends. I am lost, I'm no guide, but I'm by your side. (Pearl Jam, Leash)

Friday, September 07, 2007

An open letter to my perky gym instructor Pam

Dear Pam,

This morning as I struggled to get out of bed because my legs, arms, stomach, butt, and most everything else except my face felt like I was slogging through a painful and stiff quicksand, I admit that I cursed you, as nice of a woman as you are. Why don't you consider changing the name of your Tuesday/Thursday gym class to "Nazi Death-Squat Torture with Pam"? Or maybe "How Many Reps Can You Do, You Sniveling Baby? How About Eight More?"

Both have a nice ring to them, and I think that would be a more accurate descrption of what occurs within those bemirrored walls on floors of shiny wood and padded colorful mats that smell like sweat. You sadist.

Sincerely,
The one cheating on the overhead presses when you weren't looking

12 Comments:

At September 07, 2007 11:49 AM, Blogger Matthew said...

This made me laugh. So awesome. :)

 
At September 07, 2007 12:09 PM, Anonymous mel said...

Geez. I don't even know what an overhead press is.

 
At September 07, 2007 12:11 PM, Blogger Joe said...

You should join my gym, which is located on my couch with a remote control nearby.

 
At September 07, 2007 12:29 PM, Anonymous russell said...

Heather

Just find a gym with a powerplate - no pain, lots of gain, and the sense of cheating but not cheating...intelligent....gym club....

As Robert Mitchum once said,"It sure beats working" (out)

 
At September 07, 2007 1:09 PM, Blogger Smiling, Beguiling said...

Still laughing at this one. I think I'm going to join Joe's gym. Sounds far more doable. ;-)

 
At September 07, 2007 1:10 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Man, what a whiner!

You went there for a workout!

 
At September 07, 2007 3:41 PM, Anonymous James! said...

Something tells me that "Nazi Death-Squat Torture with Pam" wouldn't attract the kind of crowd that you'd want to work out with.

 
At September 07, 2007 3:48 PM, Blogger firedande said...

zoiks. i just had in n out.

 
At September 07, 2007 4:12 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I took a step class for a few weeks once and I wanted to die after every class. Its a great workout but the instructors were insanely into it.

try kickboxing or boxing.

 
At September 08, 2007 3:19 PM, Blogger Chris said...

You're funny. ;)

 
At September 09, 2007 2:49 PM, Anonymous Royalcyclops said...

Have you ever tried, Coenzyme Q10?

It facilitates the conversion of sugar into energy without the nasty residual lactic acid side effects.

Worth checking into before your next Gulag session.

 
At September 09, 2007 4:41 PM, Anonymous JoJo said...

Thanks for the chuckle!

 

Post a Comment

<< Home


Stats tracked by StatCounter